Ask Catheryn

Messes. Messes? Yes, Messes! If you have children-you are guaranteed to have a mess at some time- many times. From the day you bring them home they create something for you to clean up. Into the mouth, out of the mouth, out of the nose, into the diaper, all over the face and hands, on the floor, in the car, it never ends.

It is easy to forget what is most important. You and your children and the safety, well being and happiness of all. A clean house is nice, a clean house is healthy, a clean house makes grown-ups happy. The little people don't seem to care much.

It may not seem like it but as a grown-up you get your first choice. Really. You do. You decide the standard of cleanliness.

You buy the toys, food, clothes and other items and make them available in your home for children to create the messes. (I know I am not the first mom to swear off red punch. It stains everything!) If you give a two year old chewing gum, it will end up in their hair or on the furniture.

Some questions to ask yourself: do you want to do all the cooking and cleaning yourself? Then shoo everyone out and you will have full control. Do you want to encourage participation and initiative in your children? Then you will have less control and more mess as you supervise their activities. (The up side is that once they learn how things work-you will have skilled helpers.)

In the meantime-how do you survive with your nervous system intact? How do you keep from screaming your head off and alienating your family?

I sugggest: gather up your courage and set some limits. Don't give your children everything they ask for. Make some rooms and activities off limits. Teach them to clean up. Expect it. Give up blaming; it solves nothing. Laugh as much as you can while cleaning together.

In the middle of one of the worst periods of my life I called my own mother, whined, then asked how it could possibly get any worse. Her answer, "It will get worse, they will all leave home!"