NOBODY ASKED ME!

What an earth shaking week! So... now we have a new president and team on the job in the White House. Whether or not you are politically in line with him and his team-you have to acknowedge the historical significance of this current change. So many of us are optomistic about his ability to problem solve and promote useful and effective legislation.

However the team that makes me the most excited is not his new cabinet. It is the family team that accompanied him to the family quarters. How much fun it is to have young children in the White House! Of course we are all interested in them. Two darling little girls will attract the media like nothing else. And just wait until they bring home a puppy.

Should we leave them alone? It hardly seems possible but I do hope the press will give them space to live a private life. I hope there is no one posted outside their school every day to shoot some photos. In the meantime-children can learn to deal with a lot of things like living in a fish bowl. All children are tougher and more resilient than most parents believe. Their mom is smart and savy-she knows what to do.

I applaud the kind of boundries their mother is setting up.

They will make their own beds.

The girls keep a regular schedule for school and homework. If there were ever a time to get a "free ride" from routine-it would seem to be as a daughter of the President of the US. But no, they are on task-thanks to their mom.

Mrs. Obama has stated that they (the daughters) are her first priority! Imagine that! The wife of the President puts her family first! I am so impressed. This attitude of hers has brought out some criticism and questions from quarters concerned with "Women's Issues." I hope she continues to ignore critics and arrange her own life according to her needs.

Reminder from another president's wife. "No matter what else I might achieve, if my children turn out badly, I would feel that I had failed." Who said it? None other than Jacqueline Kennedy!

The family in the White House-- Father, mother, children -an intact family. But the gem on this team is the third generation. The Grandmother! How wonderful! Three generations in one house is unusual for this generation. I wish it weren't.

Grandparents are not popular anymore. Why? They can be perceived as outdated, slow, out of touch, even as a problem to be dealt with. This is a very sad commentary on family. Grandparents raised you! They are a precious resource. Reactions may slow but the total accumulation of wisdom is invaluable. They have experienced so much of life to share.

I don't know the plan for the three generation Obama family. But I love the fact that they are a three generation family. I love that they are an intact African American family. Common wisdom tells us that example is the superior teaching method., May we all learn from the wonderful example that has been set for us.

Messes. Messes? Yes, Messes! If you have children-you are guaranteed to have a mess at some time- many times. From the day you bring them home they create something for you to clean up. Into the mouth, out of the mouth, out of the nose, into the diaper, all over the face and hands, on the floor, in the car, it never ends.

It is easy to forget what is most important. You and your children and the safety, well being and happiness of all. A clean house is nice, a clean house is healthy, a clean house makes grown-ups happy. The little people don't seem to care much.

It may not seem like it but as a grown-up you get your first choice. Really. You do. You decide the standard of cleanliness.

You buy the toys, food, clothes and other items and make them available in your home for children to create the messes. (I know I am not the first mom to swear off red punch. It stains everything!) If you give a two year old chewing gum, it will end up in their hair or on the furniture.

Some questions to ask yourself: do you want to do all the cooking and cleaning yourself? Then shoo everyone out and you will have full control. Do you want to encourage participation and initiative in your children? Then you will have less control and more mess as you supervise their activities. (The up side is that once they learn how things work-you will have skilled helpers.)

In the meantime-how do you survive with your nervous system intact? How do you keep from screaming your head off and alienating your family?

I sugggest: gather up your courage and set some limits. Don't give your children everything they ask for. Make some rooms and activities off limits. Teach them to clean up. Expect it. Give up blaming; it solves nothing. Laugh as much as you can while cleaning together.

In the middle of one of the worst periods of my life I called my own mother, whined, then asked how it could possibly get any worse. Her answer, "It will get worse, they will all leave home!"

What's this?

I thought I could quit. But I can't. I've been trying. My Mom couldn't quit either. And all my sisters.

I can't stop parenting. They are on their own and yet I still try to manage and "help" them solve life stuff.

I really want to interact in the parenting of today. I want to help the "whole world" with their little people. Parents whom I see in the grocery line, the toy store, in church , and at the barber. Struggling. I want to say, "Do it this way. It will work better. Or try this, it might work."

In my heart of hearts-I believe this-There is no greater gift to our future than to present it with wonderful children who have been reared well. With manners, maturity, compassion, diligence, and a sense of humor.

So...I'm on a blog. With perhaps as many questions as answers. It feels right. It feels good.